Confidence booster

• Start a victory file. Fill a box or scrapbook with evidence of your accomplishments — touching cards from friends, a great performance review from your boss, the receipt from the first piece of serious jewelry you bought for yourself, a picture from your toddler, a photo from the finish line of that half-marathon you powered through. These odds and ends will help remind you that you're loved and respected — and will give you a boost when you're feeling down. "Think of this collection as something you can turn to whenever you need to immediately feel better about yourself," says Dr. Flowers.
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  Brainwash yourself. "Whenever I'm feeling bad," says Lifetime community member Lovebeing, "I try to have an inner dialogue with myself to improve my self-esteem." It's true, says Flowers: Self-talk does affect how you feel. If you're in the habit of saying nasty things to yourself ("Why did I finish off that pint of ice cream? I'm such a fat pig!"), replace those negative statements with words of encouragement that ring true for you. You might say: "I'm strong and capable" or "I can succeed in this project; I've done it before and I'll do it again."
  
• Set challenging but doable goals. Create a daily to-do list and a list stating a few longer-term goals. Make sure your lists include some tasks that are easily accomplished (say, cleaning out the linen closet) and others that require a bit of risk-taking (for instance, asking your boss for new responsibilities — or better yet, a raise). "You can't grow without taking risks," says Dee Shepherd-Look, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at California State–Northridge, who runs self-esteem workshops. "When you reach outside your comfort zone to meet someone new or attain a goal, that experience becomes incorporated into things you don't think twice about doing." As a result, your confidence expands.
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  Spend time with nurturing people.Find supportive, positive people to hang out with, says Dr. Shepherd-Look. And while you're at it, dump those toxic friends of yours. "Nurturing people walk in and make the room light up and they'll make you feel good about yourself," she explains. "Toxic people are critical and judgmental — they're like the energy vampires of the universe."
  
• Fake it. If you act as if you like yourself — by looking people in the eye, standing tall and proud, and presenting yourself as a winner — eventually you'll believe it (and so will everyone else). "The trick is to mentally rehearse being confident until it becomes an actuality," says Flowers.
  
• Take responsibility for your actions. Keep this formula in mind: E + R = O. Translation: What happens in your environment (E), coupled with your response (R), determines the outcome (O) of the situation. "There are some things you can't change in life, but you are always responsible for how you respond," says Shepherd-Look. And once you begin to appreciate how big an impact you can have on what happens in life, you'll feel more powerful.